Full color cover shot
Self magazine
where the limos go
people start to scream
shiny women on a yacht
these are things I ain't got

None of the above

Top ten well dressed men
every hair in place
author, skier, millionaire
epitome of taste
always willing, always hot,
all these things I am not

None of the above

I wish I was invisible,
intelligent or pretty
but I'm none of the above