If words can paint a picture
Then Scunthorpe is a gatefold
Pages getting uglier with every turn
Swinton is a shit hole
Brighton is a scrapheap
A broken rusting pyre that wouldn't burn

A place that's not worth knowing
Dudley is a nightmare
Fleets of wired junkies who refuse to cleanse
Swinton is a shit hole
Scarborough is a tip
With tides of brown that stretch out as evenings extend

Swinton is a shit hole
But what on Earth do I know?
I've never been
I've never set foot outside these concrete walls
But I'll make the trip someday
And until then I know nothing at all

Chester is awash with wannabes and fakers
I've never seen it for myself
But I've been told it's pretty grim
I'd fit right in
I'll go there too someday on a whim

Swinton is a shit hole
But what on Earth do I know?
I've never seen it for myself

Swinton is a shit hole
But what on Earth do I know?
I've never been 'cos life's too short
To suffer all of England's composites
Where hired limousines are gridlocked in the night time
It's the best
But I'll hold out for the rest if you don't mind

Swinton is a shit hole
But what on Earth do I know?
I've never been
I've never seen it for myself

Swinton is a shit hole
But what the hell do I know?
I've never been ouside these four shit-coloured walls