At first there was nothingness, then some unknown process
Lead to a great big explosion
The universe grew from a subatomic stew
Of quarks, gluons, plasmas, and bosons
Then gas and dust settled on hot cores of metal
And one of these cores was called Earth
It was covered with goop, a primordial soup
From which all of Earth's life was then birthed
At first, single cells, some swam or grew shells
Still others evolved to hunt prey
Some hid in the sand, some crawled onto land
So life, well, life found a way

Uh, we already did this bit
Uh huh, in the pilot
Mm‐hmm

There were mosses and gymnosperms, seven-foot-long earthworms
Huge dragonflies ruled the sky
Amphibians, cephalopods, pedallers both bi- and quad-
Reptiles started to fly
We had lizards grow big and small, mammals not big at all
Sharks were the size of a house
Then, one little meteor killed all the dinosaurs
So, we evolved from a mouse
8000 BC, Creation Theory
Would dictate the song should start here
Though most of our herd agree it's absurd
Some teach it in place of Shakespeare
Let's skip evolution, there're two revolutions
Agriculture took us to towns
Humans learned to grow wheat, got all fat, loved to eat
Stopped walking and just settled down
Industrial next, its major effect
To take us from towns to the city
We mined coals and built trains, machines plowed our grains
And we treated the workers real shi-

How many more of your Earth seconds is this going to take?

Well‐timed interruption!
Almost there, I promise!

We recorded some tunes, put a man on the Moon
Fought more wars than we care to recount
Sent the Phoenix to Mars, built electric cars
And polluted a shocking amount
Skipping to now, we survived, not sure how
It's getting real hard to keep track
There's Wikipedia, smartphones, tablets, unmanned drones
Pick-your-own genomes, ride-sharing, sheep clones
Earthquakes and cyclones, valleys of Silicone
Gluten-free vegan scones, temperature milestones
Keystones and sword thrones, high-interest payday loans
Cyclists' testosterone, and everything Musk owns
But at least now us Warners are back!
We are back, baby!